Good parenting! Voila.

Usually I notice distracted parents, authoritative parents, unreasonable parents, uninspired, tired parents... So I am happy to report in my playground observations a day of witnessing good parent after great parent. A dad was playing a bilingual word game wIth his three year old. ¿Como ce dice...luz... En ingles? He was really working hard to come up with words for her to translate. And English is his second language. Him and his partner decided to speak Spanish at home so she learns both English in the world and Spanish at home. As a trilingual speaking kid, I appreciate his parental efforts. At one point daddy's little girl hurt herself and he said, aww vamos a la casa. And she stared screaming louder. He was so sensitive to her crying he wanted to retreat home. I started mumbling under my breath that she is hurt but doesn't want to go home, and I was afraid he wouldnt hear her, but the girl used her articulating skills to say she would just like some ice on her forehead and a drink of water, and not to go home. Very sweet! Good parenting efforts paying off.

Bad labels on children

I am tired of hearing people projecting their fears onto children! I'm sick of hearing adults voice their negative expectations of their children.

Never say a child is bad, demanding, or spoiled. This is an awful thing to say to a child who knows not what he does. When a 1-3 year old says 'fuck you' because they heard it in their environment, they are not bad. They're just repeating what they see. If you are a parent and your child is parroting negative environmental inputs, change the environment. Step it up. Switch daycares, stop cursing, stop hitting, laugh more, et cetera.

Practice not giving attention to your unfounded fears, and practice imagining the grand possibilities. See your child as full of potential, and not a time-bomb waiting to set off.

Avoid The Lecture

A lecture is only appropriate when the receiver is also intellectually engaged. It is not appropriate when the receiver is emotional, because reason and logic are temporarily disabled when upset!

Its not productive to explain the reasons we lost something. Acknowledge the upset first.

"Aw, you're really upset. It's a really nice stick! Its smooth with a nice bump on the end, and its bigger than you yet easy to carry. Its such a nice stick. And now someone else is playing with it and you feel like you lost the stick. That is really upsetting :( sad face :( "

and when the child feels like you're sympathizing, the screaming and anger will cease and then they'll just be grieving a little bit, and then you can nudge them in a positive direction, like, "If you loved the stick so much and then left it on the ground, maybe he'll do the same thing when he becomes interested in something else." And then, "Let's see what else could be interesting that might distract him from the stick." And then go find a bug, and show the kid with the stick the bug.

This way, the mother wouldn't be the bad guy. because its not her fault that the stick isn't available for play. Its just the way of the world. The mother becomes a source of comfort, instead of the harbinger of restrictions, which is an undesirable way to be viewed by an upset child.