extended breastfeeding

Of course it will be my family who challenges me the most regarding unconventional ways of babycare, and i must find strength to persist regardless of outside doubt. Someone said something presumptuous about how i would probably be breastfeeding for 'maybe 6 more months?' and i said, yea sure, because it didnt matter what she thought, but after leaving the situation i mentioned how i could see us nursing until he was at least two. I really want to nurse him through his 'terrible two's'.

So i went on youtube and put in 'breastfeeding 8' because my friend had mentioned a funny video she saw of an older child 'must have been like 8 or something' having a fit and the mothers reaction and then the nursing, and i saw a bunch of videos of 7 year olds nursing. Then there was a

talkshow called 'the doctors'

where they discussed the issue.

Interesting facts that i will keep in mind for future conversations that will undoubtedly come up as i do not wean him at an expected time frame, or as the timeframe nears where i should be weaning him:
Worldwide average is 4 years of age (Yes but thats in developing countries where its convenient and they dont have food!)
Typically, a child will wean himself between 2 and 7 years of age. (but its socially awkward to have a walking, talking child at your breast!)
The health benefits do not stop at a certain age as people sometimes believe.

The reason i'd like to nurse is because its intimate, its nurturing, its comforting, and i do not think that independence will confidently come about by weaning him. I think its a wonderful idea to keep nursing as a tool for when he is inconsolably irritated by an ear infection or some other dis-ease which i can do nothing about. Also mentioned in the video was that the illnesses are less severe and pass quicker. I like that!

Anyway, the social awkwardness will have to be addressed. i hope this doenst bring my mother any grief!

Excerpt from a book i'm reading...

a part of the Ringing Cedars series, which you can order online through their private publishing company, ringing cedars .com... Anyway, Anastasia, the goddess hero of this book, a woman living in the taiga forest in ridiculously close harmony with nature that makes my soul ache with desire. She has a baby boy by a man who purportedly is writing this book as an account. I'm not sure if i believe it, but at the very least, anastasia exists for me in some form much in the same way jesus does: as a symbol and ideal of perfect harmonious existence which i aspire to, whether or not they are actually perfect as humans...

Anywho, The father and author of this book presents himself as a stubborn defender of the technocratic world, and on his first visit after the birth of their son (the son is already crawling) He brings bay food and a construction set "all the things a baby needs.' This is the second book of the series... no, the third. i skipped the second to get to this one where she talks about her theory of childrearing, or rather, her method.

They hide behind a bush to watch how he wakes and goes about his moments. He's sleeping in the groin of a bear nanny, pees, and then the bear sets him down on the ground, and he poops. the bear licks his bum to clean it, and the boy crawls around plying with bugs and grass. I got a little sad that my baby doesnt have grass and bugs to play with and we've been inside for the last few days in new york surrounded by snow... But you can't win them all, right?

Anyway, as for the excerpt i want to share, its a description of the system of childhood that we experienced as babies if we grew up with most conventional parents, well-meaning as they were they fucked us all up =P

Vladimir Megre, the author and the co-hero of the book (who presents himself as a stubborn defender of the technocratic world) is asking for her 'system' and is frustrated because her method seems to be an 'anti-system' and Anastasia says 'exactly.' Here is what she says:

She asks him to recall memories from childhood and he says thats difficult to do .She replies "Is it not because memory attempts to spare our feelings and excise what is empty and fruitless? It tries to erase any suggestion of hopelessness to rub out what you experienced in your mothers womb when you sensed the world's verbal abuse through the sufferigns of your mother. do you want me to help you recall the other things?" He says she can give it a try...

"You do not wish to remembe how you, the ruler of the Universe, lay all by yourself helpless in your crib. You were so tightly wraped up, it was like being boun in a cocoon, and smiling people decided when you should eat and when you should sleep. You wanted to think everything through for yourself, to make sense of what was going on. But so often they would simply make cooing sounds and toss you up towards the ceiling. But what for? - You never got a chance to think about that. After growing up a little, you began to see a great many things around you that had no voice and no heart. But you were not allowed to touch them. You could touch only those things which people handed you. And you resigned yourself to trying to figure out: where was the perfection in any of the joy-toys you were offered? but there was no way you could haev found, in this absurd primitive object, what had never been there in the first place and never could.
"But still you kept searching, ou did not c ompletely give up - you felt things with your hands, you tried to bite them, but to no avail. You did not find any explanation. That was whenyou first wavered, you who were born to be ruler of your Universe. You decided that you were unable to decide anything for yourself. You were betrayed by those who gave you birth, and you betrayed yourse.f"
"You talk about the events of MY life. Was there anything in which I was different from other kids?" Vladimir asks.
"I am talkig specifically about you. And about those who are listening to me at the moment."

So, she asks vladimir earlier in the book to not pick him up, and let the baby decide and come to him. I have noticed for my own baby that his body gets manipulated by everyone around him, picked up, set down, rolled over, and i must do a better job at protecting his mastery of his own body and experiences. This morning when i awoke after an evening of reading Ringing Cedars, I stayed in bed with him, because he didnt ask to be picked up yet. And then at firs the just wanted to sit up... My baby cant crawl or even sit by himself so its near impossible to do things that way yet, tho i can take the concept and begin to contemplate it, which at least plants the seed for the future. for now i give him as much control as i can comprehend. we are still two awkward teens learning to dance together.

'Let Him Cry.' Express as you feel, baby.

Janet Lansbury captured my attention and interest in her articulate posts and incredibly well organized Blog page :)

I thought i was present with my baby, but damn!! There's always more to cap off.

Upon reading this blog, i started putting my baby down for some time every day with the purpose of letting him explore more. I really have enjoyed watching him play, and he's benefited in the last two days by becoming able to roll onto his stomach, which he's been able to do before, but due to my 'carry him around and let him see my world' philosophy, he hadn't really been given much opportunity! Anyway, I'm not regretting it or anything, I needed to carry him and vice versa. He's now ready to play alone more, so i'm just taking the cues from my environment!

Another thing I was reminded of was that its Really Okay for him to cry. Personally, my family doesnt like me to get angry or depressed. And i understand the sentiment. I don't want my baby to be angry or sad either. But being a baby is frustrating. He can't talk, he gets tired, he can't really move much on his own volition. He can't sit up, he can't stand up, he can't do all the things he dreams of doing. So when he gets tired, he's really cranky. His eyebrows furrow angrily and he babbles. Today he woke up earlier than usual and was more tired than usual. We had a long day yesterday and his naps were too short.

I played with him before naptime, throwing him up in the air and making him laugh, playing peekaboo which he recently started enjoying, and his eyes were so read and tired, but putting him down to rest the usual way was only upsetting him. So after playing with him and feeling certain that it wasn't for lack of connection that he was crying, I set him down in his comfortable sleeping position, with earplugs in my ears. He cried, he cried more, he screamed, and i didnt pick him up, but i lay infront of him, offering him my breast if he wanted it, but him usually just taking a few more sips and then continuing to cry. I was okay with this, and just put my face next to his and watched him cry. He then Opened his Eyes, looked at me, whimpered a little bit, and i said something like 'i know, i understand.' and then he went to sleep.

And he's still asleep, though i haven't moved besides to get my computer.

"Letting" him cry, has often felt dismissive to me, and usually thats what it is. I have left the room, i have ignored him, and it really felt like 'letting' him cry. But watching him cry and being there with him (which i have done before, too, just to clarify) is also "letting" him cry. "Letting" can also be allowing and accepting.

Right on. Write on, janet.