Picky Eaters

Feeding our children is the most important and time-consuming aspect of parenting. Most of us aren't accustomed to thinking about food so much. We aren't all chefs. If you missed that book "French Children Eat Everything" it's a good book to pick up before your child starts eating solids. It tells you how to prepare a variety of colors for your baby when they're being introduced to solid foods to accustom them to the concept of variety. I missed that sensitive period, so I played catch up when my son was weaned. Here is what I have observed.

1. Children don't need to eat as much as we like to see them eat. Keep the excess in tupperware and save it for later. If you prepared a lot of it, freeze it to save time later.

2. Children enjoy taking little tastes of a wide variety of food throughout the day. This can be called snacking or grazing. Get creative. Don't stick to staple snack foods. Mix it up. Hummus, grapes, tomato wedges, red peppers, cauliflower. Offer a few different basic foods and let them pick from the variety.

3. Reflect on the quality of your own diet. Educating yourself in nutrition and cuisine is not an easy task, but it doesn't have to happen overnight. Its a journey that you'll take along with your child. Slowly get rid of the bad stuff and replace it with the good. Taste buds adjust. Eventually all that healthy food will cease to taste bland and will offer a huge variety of flavors never before perceived. If you took care of your body while you were pregnant, you still have the same incentive to continue doing so. You're still eating for two (or more)!

4. Resist breaking down and buying packaged food with high fructose corn syrup, food coloring, or... any packaged food in general. Its dead inside. Shop on the perimeter of the grocery store, only going into aisles for the staples you absolutely know ahead of time that you need, like corn tortillas and salsa! 

5. Avoid stress around food. Prepare food together with them. They're more likely to eat it then, anyway. There's tons of resources on cooking with kids through sites like Pinterest.

6. In order to not stress around food, you need to feel good about what they're eating (99.8% of the time). You can sneak in greens by making smoothies or mixing algae tablets in with some apples in a high-speed blender (or the pot if you boil apples to make apple sauce). I like putting kale or spinach with banana and a little bit of peanut butter. My son doesn't always want some, but occasionally he'll devour it. So again, their bodies want different things at different times. Take care of your own body, and let them share your food when they want it. If you eat well, they'll eat well. 

You don't have to drastically change everything you eat in order to be healthy. After tweaking a few aspects about what you eat, a rhythm emerges. In place of cereal from a box and milk you may pour oats, raisins, chia seeds, chop up some banana's, drizzle some honey on top, and pour in some almond milk. You'll live longer, you'll feel better, and the kids will eat better. 

"Non Violent Communication"

I just wanted to put this picture here because its hilarious. Not entirely relevant, except that if you use non violent communication with your child, they won't become a douchebag.

 My son is in the range of the horribly named "terrible" two's. Its an age where they're learning to communicate. Many parents don't know how to communicate, and so the honeymoon phase of having a perfect infant is over. Now its a relationship, and lord knows, we could all use help relating better.

What do we do when our own needs are conflicting with the desires of our child?

I have briefly studied Non Violent Communication (NVC), but haven't had much practice. There are groups in metropolitan areas where one can practice in groups if you're interested in learning more.

My son was waving his hand close to my face. In an effort to practice NVC i said "I feel attacked!" and i retreated. I looked at him, and then I tried to see why he was doing it. I hadn't really looked at him in a while, and he wanted me to look him in the eyes and to connect. He showed me what he wanted, and I was able to give it to him. Alternatively, I could have just said "Don't hit me!" but that wouldn't have addressed his need for connection. I could tell him "Go play somewhere else." and cut off connection, but that would become a habitual response in our relationship and we'd create a wedge in our relationship. NVC works to always get closer, and to create more understanding with each other. Its a great way to feel heard, to create a change in behavior, and to become more satisfied. Identifying needs and feelings is a key to non violent communication, so it requires practice, but once you get acquainted with the various needs and feelings, you can access creative solutions to relationship conflicts. So, to summarize NVC briefly here:

First, make an observation without evaluating it further. "I noticed that you're frantically waving your hands in my face." Then state what this situation made you feel. "I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and slightly afraid for my safety." Then, state what need the feeling was prompted from. For example, "I feel attacked! I'd like to feel safe, loved, connected, and/or nurtured." Then, offer an action for the other person to take that would help you feel that way. For example, "Could you touch me gently?" Of course, you can also go to the other person and say "I'm wondering what you're feeling, what you're needing, that you want to frantically wave your hands in my face. I'm just guessing, but perhaps you want to play?"
Here is a video about non violent communication in regards to parenting.