he nurses and sleeps lightly. from 7 to 10, and then he wakes up hungry and nurses heavily. I get up to make myself some oatmeal+banana+almond light dinner to help me sleep, coupled with some lavender+red clover+rasberry leaf+alfalfa+nettle tea. I don't do this super quietly. he will get used to my noises during the evening while he sleeps. I don't want to be tiptoeing around for the next 8 years.
....... Here's a tangent: i began meditating while i was pregnant. I had all this time and privilege to have a peaceful and transformative pregnancy. I would dutifully meditate in the morning and the evening, mixing it up to keep my interest and devotion. I would do Qi gong or some variant of Tai Chi in the morning to get my energy flowing, and I would do most things meditatively, becoming aware of my thoughts and feelings and my various identifications with these patterned programs.
Back then, 20 minutes of meditation was sooo long, and i wouldnt look at the watch while i was meditating and just end it when i thought 20 mintues had passed, and i was usually in the ballpark. Now i find myself meditatively nursing for up to 3 hours sometimes!! Its a challenge, sitting and Not doing all the things my monkeymind thinks to do, but its been incredibly beneficial and grounding. The ideas that I have sat with in the last few weeks are really coming to fruition. Its amazing how that will happen..........
Oh yes, the point is this:
I observe a collective fear, the need to get away, to have an independent baby, to be separate, to remain 'useful and productive' . When i'm latched to my baby i have intermittent urges to get away and DO something, but thanks to my highly evolved meditative mind, I see that impulse, and i disconnect from it.
He doesn't 'sleep through the night' per se, but he wakes me up to suckle, like a lover readjusting the cuddle-logistics.
And I don't mind. I am in fear of the day that he will say 'Mommmm, stop that!!!" when i go to kiss him as obnoxiously i'm sucking on his cheeks and kissing him all over his face and ears and stomach. He sucked on my lips today. is that inappropriate? Well, its certainly unconventional, and i won't let him do that in public when he's older... But my lips is the twin to my nipples, and HE started it.
The only thing undesirable about co-sleeping with my baby is this: i wish i would remember to remember my dreams!!! I wake up and i'm immediately thinking "change his diaper, interact!! baby smiles! laughter!'
And Its sad how my dreamlife just fades into the background of my daily noise, when i KNOW there is profundity that hides from my waking consciousness.
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