Pregnancy, i and the baby were one. That was easy. My thoughts and emotions, my food, all was directly connected to the flesh of the baby. After birth, we were still one flesh. Though the umbilical was cut, his flesh was still of my flesh, and his further nourishment was still of my flesh via breastmilk. 9 months later, he is beginning to stand, crawl, laugh for reasons i do not know, but we are still one. When i look in his eyes, i see something much more than respect, friendship, and love. There is something beyond human looking out from behind his once blue, once grey, now brown eyes. The awareness that looks back at me is familiar. It is a mirror. I see myself.
It is easy now because he does not yet speak. The obsessions of adults to get him to smile and laugh, the manic "HiiiI!'s that are unnatural and treats him with an air of separation, well those behaviors and perspectives are contagious unless i maintain awareness around the matter. I am committed to creating a new relationship, and expanding my relationship perspective that i have gained with my baby to everyone else, to my parents, to my friends, to strangers... to see beyond=humanness looking out from the eyes of 'others' and to see myself in the awareness of their eyes.
We can be so manic with communication, telling stories, provoking reactions, reacting, thinking, planning, judging, manipulating, distracted. I can be so manic interacting with my baby. More stillness. More being presence. I will not fall trap to the obsession!! I will not!
Good night.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment