I experienced conception and pregnancy as a divine calling that i could not turn down. Yes, i'll be a mother!! Of course! Its probably the only thing i've wanted that has been consistent since childhood, besides fame from which i could be of good and wide-spreading influence.
My friend from 1st grade said "kill it! its just a bunch of cells leeching off of your body. kill it!"
My dad told me it would be difficult to find a husband, and it was a bad financial decision.
My friends from (and still in) college got together and talked about me, and were worried and scared.
What traditionally and evolutionarily has been the great joy of Living and Loving has become burdensome. Career first, and then have a kid when you're 30. Be financially stable first, have everything lined up with the husband that your family loves and the house in a quiet residential neighborhood right outside the city.
I didn't freak out and get a job (like i almost did) upon the embryonic download. I sat and meditated and evaluated my life's purpose and dreams for the future.
This is what I arrived at:
I wanted to master something valuable, helpful, and useful to my community. I wanted to live with the rhythms and cycles of a landscape. I wanted to be surrounded by good people, nutritious food, and be able to see the stars at night. I wanted my child to have a tight community and lots of friends and freedom. I don't want to worry.
That was at the very core of what I wanted, ontop of continued personal and spiritual evolution and more moments of bliss and joy. So i'm taking it from there. Career? Money? No... That's not precisely what I'm after... Esteem, Joy, Worthiness, Helpfulness, and feeling like I fit in my environment. That's what I'm after.
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