Moving in, Making Music, and entering the Marijuana industry

Hi there,
I don't know who reads these, so leave a comment. I see how many views posts get and I wonder "hmm, who saw those words?"

Today is Sunday. I woke up tired because I took two 10mg gummies yesterday, but having no fat in my diet, I accidentally did not enjoy the effects of cannabinoids in my perception. However, them being in my system, I got a good hangover. Usually, 10mg is plenty and I didn't realize that fat was needed to carry the THC into my system!

I recently moved to Breckenridge, Colorado. Weed is legal here, so it's like I've come out of the closet. I never was in the closet, even in Maryland, but I was discreet about it. I started in college and it helped me with some PTSD. It helped me wake back up into life, and it continues to wake me up from dullness. Contrary to the stereotypes, cannabis helps me be sharper, more reactive to my present environment, and not so caught up in the mental hubbub. I got a job budtending in Breckenridge and I'm very excited about it. I've got a lot to learn. So far I've learned about distillates, vape options, concentrates, wax, how THC turns into CBN so old weed isn't bad weed, it's just misapplied due to being misunderstood!

Anywho! Moving into a new town is fun. I miss my friends and my roots are in shock, but I am transplanting myself once again in order to enjoy fresh powder winters and escape the sprawl of the DC-suburbs. Finally! I've escaped! \o/ <(yay!)       ~And here in town there are great restaurants that I never go to because they're $$$$, but I enjoy that they're there. I like going to the Breckenridge Brewery because my friend works there and they have gluten free buns for the burgers. And I am looking forward to a "night about town" to give the Motherload Tavern some of my time and money. I think it'd be fun! There's open mic nights and karaoke nights there. Another establishment that regularly jams is the Hangar, way off Main street, on Airport Rd (a place named in anticipation of an Olympic-imported airport that never happened). It's close to my neighborhood in Peak 7. I love this little part on the northern end of town, and I want to start visiting the Hangar regularly since it's the closest "musical venue" around. I really like singing and making music. It's therapeutic. And although I aspire to perform in front of people in a fantasy-kind-of-way, whenever confronted with the opportunity to do so, I can feel my temperature rising and the skin on my face getting thick with embarrassment.

Today as I strummed out some tunes on the ukulele I considered the possibility that I don't really like how the ukulele and I sound together. After a few songs on the uke, it all sounds like the same tingy strings with a different set of chords, with a different message in the lyrics. I enjoy singing and accompanying myself, though, and letting stuff out! I switch over to the piano when the sound becomes unbearable, and play some tunes there. It's better on the piano. Any oaf can play ukulele, but piano takes at least a few hundred hours of practice, and I've put that time in, so there's at least a little pride in that. However, the ukulele can be learned in a few hours, and I can't master unique strumming patterns, so it all sounds the same. *shrug* I'm buying a low G string for ukulele and will see if that changes my mind at all. Maybe it will take away from the tinny association and make it a fuller sound. If that doesn't do the trick to satisfy me I'll get a loop pedal and play with that! That always looks pleasant when I see people showcasing their experiments.

Even my kid doesn't like to hear me play the ukulele. So that's gotta be saying something!

Well.... Why am I blogging again? Moving in, making music, and marijuana. Okay, I've covered most of the topics. A little more on moving in:

Breckenridge has so much to do. Just yesterday the town put on an amazing Fall Festival for the kids and kids-at-heart. There were crafts like pumpkin painting and of course the bouncy castles, face painting, and balloon arts... typical, but the unique twists on the fall festival were impressive! (And yes, that's where I was disappointed that my milligrams weren't kicking in due to lack of fat intake. Plenty of sugar! Plenty of fruit! Plenty of veggies!

There's a lot to do here. Today I climbed at the rec center, chilled at home, and then went on a lovely mountain bike ride. Tomorrow it's Monday. Back to the work week!

Cheers!

Patriotism?

I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro’s great stumbling block in the stride toward freedom is not the White Citizens Councillor or the Ku Klux Klanner but the white moderate who is more devoted to order than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice; who constantly says, “I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I can’t agree with your methods of direct action”; who paternalistically feels that he can set the timetable for another man’s freedom; who lives by the myth of time; and who constantly advises the Negro to wait until a “more convenient season.” Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will.

—MARTIN LUTHER KING JR., “LETTER FROM BIRMINGHAM JAIL,” APRIL 16, 1963

Since Trump was elected there has been a controversial feeling in the air, a lack of pride at being an American. It reminds me of when Bush was president, but fiercer. The xenophobia and racism is really obvious now. I grew up multi-racial, with an international family. I was always proud to be an American for some reason, perhaps because it set me apart from the rest of my family. But when you learn about American history there is shameful behavior there that hasn't been amended yet. That's not just in American history. That's present in every nation's history. Perhaps humans are just vicious and suffer from tribalistic mentalities that have yet to be overcome. 

Patriotism in America is defended with a religious vigor that is dangerous. It is not unpatriotic to take a stance against the government and the existing power structure. That is progress. We need to move forward in history, and those who are so proud that they fail to see the shortcomings of their country, their religion, or their race are going to stubbornly refuse to make amends.

Police brutality is real. Coupled with unconscious bias, the power that a police officer has will lead them to do horrible things. See the Stanford prison experiments. It is not possible for us to live separately anymore. We must coexist.

Until now I've never lived in a place such as this where conservatives and liberals live so closely together. I have not lived anywhere so white. Since white and middle-class people have so much privilege, it is their responsibility to help the lower-class and unprivileged people to thrive. Recognize that even though privilege is not something they asked for, yet have compassion for those who are discriminated against and to whom the deck is stacked against. Help them in whatever way possible, finding opportunities and passing the word along to appropriate connections. Give black people money for their services and never ask them to do work for free. That still happens. See the criticism that Safety Pin Box has received for being a business and not a non-profit.

Being privileged doesn't mean life doesn't contain hardship. Everyone has problems, it's true. But when defensiveness arises, it's not conducive to the conversation to point this out. Men don't have anything to add to conversations about women's rights, straight people don't have anything to add to conversations about LGBT rights, and white folks don't have anything to add to conversations about the black experience. The person in the demographic that is the beneficiary of current power structures needs to pipe down and listen. That's all.

Furthermore, when black people are taking a stance on police brutality or systemic injustice, it is not the place of the beneficiary of privilege to disagree with their tone of voice or tactic of protest. That was why I shared the quote from MLK at the beginning of this post.

Someday, when black lives matter and aren't treated any differently than white lives, then we can say all lives matter. Until then, white, pink, yellow, red, brown, and black folks who believe that we can create a post-racial world within our lifetime need to show up on the streets, put our bodies on the line, and do risky shit and be a full-on comrade, not just an ally... Not just add hashtags and share knowledge, which can be somewhat influential, but show up in real life. It's time to talk to your racist friends and neighbors and call them out/in to being a better fellow human... an actual patriot.

Learning Web Development to work remotely

My internship as a Montessori Teacher ended. I've learned valuable classroom management skills, interpersonal-social mediation, and have let my artistic side out of the crayon box. In the D.C. area, the salary for a Montessori teacher can be anywhere between $30 and 60,000. I was making the lower end of that. Tuition is higher in the DC area, from between $10-20,000 per school year depending on if you get financial aid or not. My benefits of cheap and lovely housing made living on a low salary with high tuition possible.

Now that I have moved to the Rocky Mountain area of Colorado, the tuition of a nearby Montessori school is $2-10,000 per year, and there is less room for growth for the teacher. The cost of living is expensive here, so I am switching careers. I can imagine going back to teaching a Montessori classroom. It's work that I enjoy day-in and day-out. However, the lack of flexibility and the high cost of living here is not a good fit to take it on. I want to be able to take advantage of powder days on the slopes.

I've started learning web development. I have always wanted to create websites and I enjoyed learning HTML and CSS. It's fun to make websites come to life, so I will start creating a few sites to build a portfolio. I am learning Java Script which, at the moment, is not clicking. It will be a few years of learning different coding languages, but my hope is that it will lead to a lifestyle where I can work remotely and have the flexibility to live in a new definition of luxury, and be paid a living wage.

New luxury? What's that? It used to mean a corner office and fancy material goods. I carry a minimalist-inspired perspective, where my things are only here to support my hobbies. I don't buy new clothes to keep running on a hedonistic treadmill. I only buy consumable goods. The new luxury is to control my environment such as choosing when and where I work.

There are many jobs that can be done remotely, and companies would lower their overhead if they were more open to letting their employees work elsewhere. The anxiety that companies face stems from their lack of knowledge regarding technological tools such as Basecamp, Skype, Virtual Private Networks, Timeclick software, Screen Capture/Share tools, et cetera infinitum!

breastfeeding toddler bias

I just read this blog article about Chloe Jo's experience of being told to nurse her toddler elsewhere. Its an interesting personal account. Here's an excerpt of what she says in which she defends her position.

Breastfeeding a toddler helps with the child’s ability to mature. Although some experts say a toddler who is not weaned will have difficulty becoming independent, it’s usually the fearful, clingy children that have been pushed into situations requiring too much independence too soon. A breastfeeding toddler is having his dependency needs met. The closeness and availability of the mother through breastfeeding is one of the best ways to help toddlers grow emotionally.
Breastfeeding can help a toddler understand discipline as well. Discipline is teaching a child about what is right and good, not punishment for normal toddler behavior. To help a toddler with discipline, he needs to feel good about himself and his world. Breastfeeding helps a toddler feel good about himself, because his needs are being met.

"helps with the child's ability to mature" is a vague way of putting it. More precisely, as the child grows older, the relationship becomes more complex and the mother will (usually) say "no, not now." because there will be uncomfortable situations. Personally I feel uncomfortable nursing my toddler in public, or in front of men. So i tell him "not now, not here." And I usually show him why, because eventually he will show me he understands my reasoning.

So it "helps him mature" because I communicate about my needs, preferences, and ability to nurse him... If I'm undernourished or emotionally not available to nurse him I tell him about that, too. And he understands! So through empathy, he also matures.

Emotionally it helps us both because I lie down with him, calm myself down, become present, and cuddle with him. Being with him all day I can sometimes get into the mode of 'doing things' and not investing in intimate moments with him, so it guarantees intimacy for these days until he gets older and we'll show intimacy in different, more mature ways.

She forgot to even mention the opiates in mamas milk and how teething pain disappears! My son has molars coming in but he is so high on milk he is well humored and chipper.

A toddler needs many other factors in order to grow into a person who "feels good about himself." Unconditional love, non-excessive praise, a balance of being assisted with tasks as well as being granted independence, et cetera. The most important thing, though, is to continue thinking about parenting and our effect on our children, and to be humble about our abilities. Because one day if our child comes up to us and says "Mom, you always praised me on my intelligence and talent, but never because of how hard I tried, and as a result I give up very easily now if i'm not immediately good at something." Will you get defensive, or will you admit that you've fallen short? In that instance, your child needs you to concede your shortcomings, and that can be difficult to do.

So, breastfeeding is fun and wonderful and a great place to work out relationship and set a foundation, but there is so much in parenting. breastfeeding can sometimes become controversial when a third party gets involved in what optimally is between two people. Its a personal thing, and doesn't reflect as to the quality or even the health of the resulting child.

I breastfed my son until he was a month short of his 3rd birthday. Now he is 7, and I see no negative effects of having done so. We are comfortable being naked together, which is culturally different from many who shield their nakedness. I do see a negative effect from co-sleeping, though. He still wakes up and comes to my bed most nights. I know eventually he will stop, and I am uncertain about how I would do it differently... sleep-training and being non-responsive to a crying infant throughout the nights required for sleep-training doesn't sit well with me, but the amount of interrupted sleep I have gotten makes me consider it as a viable option.

Maria Montessori, Order, Deviation, and Naturalization

I love this woman: Maria Montessori. She was a wise woman, born wise, stayed wise. She had a mother who believed in her and she was blessed with a good upbringing. She was perceptive to the struggles of the world and had a good heart that wanted to help. She was intelligent, and diligence fueled her life. I really admire this woman.

She created materials that are age appropriate and promote concentration naturally. She comes from a time when adults really tried to hammer in "education" into supposedly empty, blank-slated child, and she instead recognized that humans have an inner drive to learn and explore, and their interests shouldn't be thwarted.

I am so happy we have come so far socially that children quite regularly have chairs and tables that fit their height. Did you know that having furniture adapted to the size of children was her idea? We can even thank her for the proliferation of playgrounds. However, the toy industry and capitalism has created a cacophony of sounds and flashing lights and entertainment entrapments that don't nourish the growth of a child. They are certainly attractive, but so not spark real interest.

Babies and toddlers and children can concentrate, and given the right materials, they will do it willingly and naturally. Montessori observes that after "working" at a task of their own accord, they seem rested and at peace. In her day, children were made to memorize and do dull tasks and the common problem was that children became fatigued. Their willpower was being sapped!

Besides her observations on children, I appreciate her view on the necessity of the caretaker to prepare herself mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically for taking care of the child. The directress of a Montessori class needs to be self aware and contained in her manner, only intervening when a child is deviating and becoming disruptive. She needs to show how the materials are to be used and not allow them to be used inappropriately. The point of not misusing materials is controversial with Waldorf lovers because Steiner as well as Froebel values imaginative play. I did too, until I read the observations Maria makes, and then felt it out with my own experience. She had designed materials to teach them math, to teach them language. I have observed children in classrooms using these materials playfully without the interruption of a teacher, but they do receive lessons on the materials so that they can be used appropriately and the value can still be gained. Imaginative children will play. Surely some directresses will be stricter than others regarding how closely to follow the guideline of the materials. I have found that if a child is playing a lot, they enjoy making art. We can direct them away from the language and science materials that they are "misusing" so they can come back to them later and learn how to categorize scientific objects, or how to discover the initial sounds of language material.

Maria observed that children were given doll houses and toys to play with, but in her observation they preferred to do real work. She described dignified children who have a sense of order and self discipline. They are grounded and more concerned with reality and figuring out how it functions, organizing reality into categories of similarity and contrast. That is why it is called "work" and not "play", because according to Maria, a child's work is to build a person, an adult who will function in the world. And for this the child must understand it first.

And it seems to me, through observing my own son, that pretend play and imaginative play is a process of experimenting in the Mind, with ways that a world COULD work, and practicing by repetition what he already knows.

It does not really build much on top of worldview unless an adult is contributing real dialogue, and not creating fantastical fairy tales on top of reality.

Maria doesn't advocate against fairy tales, though. She says that at around age 7, when a child already understands basic reality, fairy tales become interesting because it is a platform from which to explore morality and sort out conflict of characters.

For a child younger than 6, however, fairy tales only confuse them about reality.

Personally, I love fairies and mermaids. However, I have never liked the idea of lying to children about Santa Claus. It seems unfair, deceitful and totally unnecessary. I know a few who have vivid memories of realizing the lie, and they are very atheist now, and I think there is a connection there.

Our parents shouldn't lie to us intentionally!

Anyway, Maria Montessori worked tirelessly until she died an old lady.

I admire Rudolph Steiner too, but female role models come along so rarely in my life. She enrolled in a boys technical school at age 14 and then med school in 1890 when no other women were admitted. She graduated with flying colors and amidst opposition and then represented feminist occupational movements by the time she was 27 or 29.

I'm 25 and I've studied diligently but not nearly enough compared to her!

Primitive pacifist anarchy

Growing up, I often thought about how people would have lived without the technology. How did the primitive people meet their needs and play? And as I thought about this question, I grew to envy the people who live in hunter gatherer communities working together in small groups because they would form close bonds with tribe members. Living in suburbia, going to school meant being surrounded by people who had other communities they belonged to other then the community we shared.  There was little time to form close bonds. I even moved around every two or three years. 

Not only did I envy the social wealth of primitive tribes, I also came to wish for their simplicity. They were concerned with providing food, shelter, safety and then making music and dancing. My dad worked as an economist, and was concerning himself with import, export, gross domestic product, and the connection between one economic measure against another. 

We live in a world of billions of people each with a worldview of his own. What I'm about to say is my version of my worldview. I think the world would be a better place if everyone acknowledged that about each other at every waking moment. I see the world of humans as a fragile peace… There are passive aggression's going on daily, as we collide in our daily lives. Many different wars, internal and external, with different themes, and flavors of struggle. We encounter these struggles in our moment-to-moment existence.

The particular flavor of struggle that paints my world most often is the pull of a trans-human agenda, against nature's rhythm.

I think the majority of people would prefer a utopia, and could imagine a few common ways in which we could improve our current human condition. However we have inherited a civilization that was unconsciously created, not purposefully and conscientiously created. Our civilization came to be based on primitive instincts, instincts that have been left unchecked by reason and a rational mind and a moral, ethical mind.

I am uncertain as to the percentage of human beings that, if given a choice, would opt to live in an egalitarian society. Human nature has been shown to use power unethically when put into certain situations. I can deduce that those who have power, money, etc. would not choose to live necessarily in an egalitarian society, but that all others would choose to do so.

Because I have spent a great portion of my life envying primitive society, it's ironic to me that I have come to realize that we are at and remarkable time period In history, where egalitarian communities can be formed en mass and self government is more achievable. Resources are so wonderfully plentiful, though we are depleting them unnecessarily in stupid ways, in consumerist shallow ways and government strife is keeping resources from those who need it. 

In just a little bit of time, I am hopeful that this new generation of technologists will rise up and create the egalitarian society that I have been craving, and return to the social wealth of the primitive tribe of hunters and gatherers. This struggle I see in my world is against the trans-human agenda to use up resources for the purpose of accumulating wealth at the expense of those in need of power and the necessities of life. 

I am hoping it will shift with the connective capability of the Internet and the increasingly equal opportunities that the Internet can provide, and with the growth- oriented, morally conscious millennial generation. With the current administration and the 45th president, he who shall not be named, I have become an anarchist. Since democracy isn't really led by the people, and the powerful are the elite, the only option is anarchy. But it is possible and best to be an peaceful anarchist, using consensus decision making in small communities to self-govern. So that's my hope for true democracy run by people to emerge in the next fifty years. 

Body language, breathing, and willpower

I notice body language. Fathers and mothers of toddlers are beginning to hunch over in perpetual assistance to their wobbly ones. I notice breathing. Mothers, unacquainted with the breath, getting caught in the whirlwind pace of two year olds and their intense emotional displays.

A practice to increase willpower was suggested by scientists: Whenever you think of it, adjust and improve up your posture. Results of the study showed that exercising that little bit of willpower helped improved other areas of participants lives, such as healthier lifestyles and increased financial well being.

Amy Cuddy presented a talk on TED about the power of body language, in which she presented her study that individuals who stood in a "power pose" rather than a disempowered pose for two minutes increased their testosterone levels and decreased their cortisol levels immediately and therefore performed much better in a stressful interview experience.  A power pose, by the way, is something like extending your arms above your head like a champion, or putting your hands on your hips like wonder woman.

In practicing mindfulness we always return to the breath and thereby we notice the shallowness that happens when we begin to let our minds wander to stressful thoughts. Most of our day we don't ay attention to our breath, but we can always come back to it. I practice noticing when I feel anxiety and then deepening my breath around it. Anxiety doesn't help me find the creative solution. Frustration with children is just a fight against what is, and breathing helps regain a more beneficial, peaceful, happier perspective.

Most people breathe just enough to get by. It's contributing to disease and stress. Runners get to breathe a whole lot. Breathing might be the best part about sex, and without proper breathing, orgasm is impossible. It moves the energy through our bodies.

Willpower. Parenting uses up a lot of willpower! And studies showed that after doing exhausting and challenging tasks, participants had no leftover willpower to choose fruit salad over cake! it's good that I know that, because then I don't have to form a belief that my eating cake when it's presented to me means I have weak willpower. It just means being a preschool teacher is challenging and my exercising patience and peacefulness amidst the occasional chaos uses my reserves which usually help me make the good nutritional choices!

So, just keep practicing. One day, when the little ones have grown past the sociopathic two year old phase ;) parents will discover a huge willpower muscle that we will then collectively use to light up the world!!!